Jacob "head in the clouds" Mogg

Microsoft adds "Letter of No Confidence in the PM" to Word templates

Conservative MPs who've updated their copies of Microsoft Office have found a new time saving template built-in to the new version.

One Tory MP explained; "I fired up a blank document in Word this morning to write a letter to a constituency, I got as far as typing 'Dear...' when it popped up a window saying 'It looks like you're writing a letter of no confidence to Boris Johnson. Would you like help?' There was my old friend Clippy, but bent in the shape of a hangman's noose.

"I thought 'Why not?' and select the 'Yes' option and the document wrote itself with a comprehensive list of misdeeds that any other prime-minister would not only resign for, but for most people have to change his name and leave the country. When I printed it off, I had to load an extra pack of paper - it's going to cost a fortune to post."

A spokesman for Microsoft explained that "They try and keep Word up to date with future requirements."

When contacted for comment, Downing Street said they were "Too busy for this; they had a leaving do to organise and someone had told the brewery the wrong date."

Image: Pixabay/umeridrisi

Tories accused of dithering over Boris

Conservative MPs have belatedly embraced the concept of social distancing, but only as far as the Prime Minister is concerned. 'I don't want to catch what he has,' pointed out one Conservative MP, 'I've a narrow majority to retain in two years' time.'

Many MPs want to see the back of Boris Johnson but are afraid of getting too close to sticking the knife in. 'You don't know where he's been,' suggested one MP. Another wore a mask, but only in the hope of not being recognised. 'As soon as we can get back to doing what we want with impunity, the better,' he said.

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