Sunak could be replaced with a Greggs sausage roll

Still trailing in the polls, the Tory Party is desperate for a leader who is popular, affordable and ideally covered in puff pastry. With that in mind, Gregg's sausage roll has emerged as the best candidate to regenerate the country and solve our lunchtime hunger pangs.

The sausage roll is the one part of the economy that is still flourishing. Plus, Sunak has only a fraction of the appeal and nutritional value of the roll. Nobody knows whether the roll has a platform of policies but it does sit on a shelf of delights.

Easier to swallow than Sunak's agenda, the sausage roll is hoping to run unopposed. Observed one MP: 'It's hard to imagine the appeal of a load of loose meat encased in skin but he's Prime Minister now.'

Photo by Matt Seymour on Unsplash

Fall at the hurdles during three-thirty Elections Stakes, Westminster

Only 20 Prime Ministers until polling day

The government has set a cap on how many more Prime Ministers it will allow to run the country before the next General Election.  'Twenty, tops,' stated a government spokesman, adding, 'and only that many if we can stop the lunatics having a vote.'  It isn't clear which lunatics he was talking about, but the consensus is that any attempt to eliminate lunatics must be a good thing.  Therefore, any attempt to eliminate any of the current Tory MPs automatically eliminates some lunatics.

'Now that Hunt has found £20 billion of headroom, there must be an opportunity to bring back Truss, she'll blow it in no time' suggested one MP, while another suggested that Boris coming back 'for a day or so' could see that headroom safely allocated to a chum on the VIP lane.  Other MPs think that there should be opportunities for previously untried Prime Ministers.  30P Lee Anderson thinks he'd make a great PM, as long as Labour promise not to sniggle, while Priti Patel thinks a smirking PM could be a real asset.  Most of the potential PMs are thought to be MPs at greatest risk of losing their seats - the pension of £125k per annum index linked for life each is thought to be a significant motivator.

'We'll probably have a leadership challenge next week, and the week after,' the spokesman said.  'It won't serve any practical purposes, but at least the country won't be watching the rest of us syphon wealth away while the spectacles continue.'

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