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The Cheddar Cheese Company in Somerset has been forced to stop producing one of its leading brands of cheese because it has become too crumbly. Cheese experts say the cheese has become so crumbly since its introduction that it is now deemed unsafe to eat.


One pub in the Midlands that served crumbly cheddar in its sandwiches subsequently collapsed entirely, although in a stroke of good fortune for its new owners, the government is reported to be in talks with them to 'deal' with crooked school buildings in a similar fashion.


Production of the crumbly cheese started in Somerset during the 1950s and proved so popular with consumers that other cheese producers started to make it too. Due to its lighter weight, reduced cost and resistance to heat the cheese has been widely used on sandwiches, as a filler in jacket potatoes, as a covering for fish pie and in more recent years has become popular as a topping for pizza.


There are growing concerns that cheese shortages caused by the crumbliness could hit the ploughman’s lunch trade and have knock on effects for the pub and catering industry. Dairy product inspectors discovered problems with the life span of the cheese in the mid 1990s and recommendations were put in place to make the cheese less crumbly.


It's understood The National Union of Ploughmen are watching the situation with concern. General Secretary, David Furrow, said: 'They say there's no such thing as a free lunch, but worryingly, there may not be any lunch for us if this crisis deepens. It's a proper pickle and no mistake.'


But successive management at the factory ignored the warnings and continued to produce the crumbly cheese.

Part of the production line has been forced to close down and relocate to a portacabin on the factory car park.


The crumbly cheese problem does not only affect production in Somerset but is widespread across the UK. A full list of cheese producers affected by the crumbliness can be found on the Defra website and FarmingUK have set up a helpline for anybody affected by the crumbliness of their cheese.


hat tips: sirlupus; Chipchase



New documents show Britain's crumbling infrastructure, was a deliberate ploy to get us all to move into portable cabins. It is estimated that by 2025, 50% of all people and 99.9% of all pet rabbits, will be living in huts.


In the 80's portacabin sponsored the tv show 'Auf Wiedersehen, Pet' to promote it's glamorous lifestyle. Even Star Wars featured a character Jabba the Portacabin - but who was later renamed for the American market.


Speaking from Stalag 12 Comprehensive, one child remarked: 'The main benefit of flimsy ceilings, is they don't hurt so much when they fall on you.' Portacabin denied putting dangerous material into schools, saying: 'We leave that to the curriculum.'


Photo by Henry & Co. on Unsplash


On his first day as Secretary of Defence, Grant Shapps appeared to promise to quadruple the size and effectiveness of Britain's Armed Forces.


One sycophantic apparatchik simpered 'Grant is so good at fixing all the problems in a government department, that he's had 5 ministerial posts in 12 months. He's also great at making one person look like they have four identities, so quadrupling the army is right in his wheelhouse.'


Rishi Sunak is thought to consider Shapps to be well qualified for the post of Defence Secretary as Shapps tried both clay pigeon shooting and archery on a stag do. However attendees on that stag do reported that Shapps was 'a danger to himself and others' and was 'better suited to organising the piss up in a brewery', which turned into an 'alcopop fuelled fiasco.'


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