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Starmer unleashes golden age of philosophy and enlightenment




Keir Starmer is surfing a tsunami of personal popularity as he begins to remake 10 Downing Street like a shining city upon a hill. As he forges a fair and just society for all, the sheer force of his charisma whips the people into a frenzy of happy adulation and Starmer is carried shoulder high throughout the land, women holding up babies for him to bless with his touch. 


One soothsayer commented 'It is as the ancient prophets and scriptures foretold. A new Jerusalem. His feet, walking upon England's (and even some of Scotland's) mountains green. A new Camelot. A new golden age of philosophy and enlightenment. He is accompanied by a flame haired woman quite a long way to his left, a slightly sensible woman balancing books and chaos with Ed Miliband.'


Starmer woke with a start as the campaign bus pulled into a leisure centre in Milton Keynes. 'What a strange dream' he thought. 'Now remember, you're the son of a tool-maker, not a tool.'

Warm fuzzy feeling traced to Conservative disarray




A recent feeling of inner warmth some have not been able to explain has been put down to a total and utter shambolic implosion that the Conservative leadership have foisted upon themselves. Again.


These brief moments of bliss should show the entire nation what utter wangwallops their governments have been, currently are, and will continue to be if left to their own divisive devices.


'What is this?' said a normal person. 'Is it... is it hope? A light at the end of a dark tunnel of 14 years of unequivocal mismanagement of the nation I love?'


Yes. Yes it is. But be careful what you Rish for. Remember that these imbeciles are capable of scrabbling together any old lies to scrawl on the side of a Truss. And then career that Truss right through the economy in just 49 days, causing irreparable Johnson.


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