.
top of page
Search
The stretch of HS2 from Birmingham to Manchester is in doubt today as the government refuses to stretch to a confirmation that it will stretch as far as Manchester.
Opposition figures criticised the government for stretching the truth when they announced last year that it would stretch all the way and not be cut back.
"It's stretching credulity to think that in these hard times, at a stretch, they aren't considering cuts" said a spokesman.
We can confirm that in the creation of this article we did not use a stretched limo, but we did stretch a point until it had to be carried off on a stretcher.
Fresh from pulling an advert featuring a cake that could be seen to promote "unhealthy" foods, TfL has announced that a new puritanical policy will be applied to the posters featured on trains, buses and stations within the system.
Gone are images of foreign travel and windswept beaches, sunny uplands and rural idylls : any image that can detract from this most perfect of all worlds and lead to flights of fanciful thoughts of freedom - and loss of productivity.
Gone are images of barely clothed models and sun-tanned torsos, and with it the distraction of engorgements and flushings that can befuddle the mind and lead to strange and unprofitable thoughts and actions.
Gone are the posters describing 'entertainments' and 'dalliances' that offer some short-lived respite from the mind-numbing tedium of underclass existence, which should always be directed at improving the lot of our lords, masters and betters.
With this new policy, TfL will ensure that any journey on their network - however short - should be a grim, dour , drudge of an experience, designed to stamp out any spark of joy and shred any tattered remnants of humanity .
TfL denied this was a change in operations, just a formalisation.
bottom of page