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Government guidance will make it impossible for children to socially transition if they have not mastered basic grammar and arithmetic. Said the Schools’ Minister: ‘You cannot expect primary students to distinguish between ‘he’ and ‘she’ if they cannot spell dog or cat. No one gets to be transgender until they can tie their own shoelaces.’
A recent study showed that most confusion over pronouns was due to the fact that no kid under thirteen knew what the f$ck a fronted adverbial was. Students will now be banned from using alternate toilets until they have learnt to wash their hands, wipe their own arse and work the fancy hand dryer.
Under the new plan, Teaching Staff will not be expected to use gender-based pronouns for students if they have religious objections or they cannot spell themselves. ‘Parents need to be part of this process because £10 says they think pansexual is someone who likes skillets. He/She/They – it’s all meaningless if you can’t hold a pen properly. And anyone caught transitioning behind the bike sheds will be put in detention and made to write out their pronouns and all 81 genders - in Latin!’
Image: moritz320 - Pixabay
The announcement from NASA that a huge asteroid is hurtling towards Earth, and will undoubtedly wipe out every form of life when it hits, was followed ten minutes later by an article on the Guardian's website claiming that Black gay transwomen will be worst affected.
The article, by the Guardian's regular "misogynoir correspondent" Batti al Wakko, claims that "structural factors in racist, patriarchal Western society" make Black gay transwomen particularly vulnerable to lumps of rock the size of Idaho approaching at fifty thousand miles an hour.
The article was greeted with astonishment by a NASA spokesman, who asked how she could possibly not understand that literally everyone is going to die instantly when the asteroid hits. Al Wakko retorted that the spokesman (a term she objected to) was demonstrating typical white, male, hetero, cis privilege in not seeing the problem, and she objected to his using the pronoun "she" in relation to her when she hadn't declared that she preferred it.
She also added that white supremacy was clearly the cause of the asteroid's trajectory, and it was high time a conversation about reparations was held. Surprisingly the NASA spokesman agreed, suggesting the day after the asteroid hits for talks to begin.
image from pixabay
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