Exchange rate of Elon Musks plummets $42 Billion

Elon Musks are the world's worst investment.

During the last three minutes, Elon Musks have dived by an amount of money you can't imagine. Investors who style themselves to look like Elon Musks so as to attract crypto gold diggers have been scrambling to change their appearance to something a bit more Zuckerbergy. From eugh to ew.

Musk Holdings admitted that the run on Elon Musks was embarrassing, uncomfortably moist, and that they were desperately reforming a faux bailout package. The hastily thought up on the spot plan is to flood the market with 0% Musk credit, a scheme whereby no one pays any interest at all to Elon Musk.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/gam-ol-2829280/

World could run out of Americans by 2030 warns UN

Scientists at the UN have come to the worrying conclusion that Americans face extinction by Americans.

‘If Americans carry on like this, there’s not going to be enough of them to go round,’ said Secretary-General António Guterres.

We were already concerned that a drop in sperm count could drastically affect numbers. Evidence suggests this has been exacerbated by giving lunatics handguns, although it’s more likely to be down to the untimely demise of Ivana Trump.

'Across Europe, tourist industry chiefs have been reporting a dramatic drop in tourists asking stupid questions such as, ‘When will Sherlock Holmes be back? Why do they speak French in Paris,’ and ‘can a semi-automatic assault rifle hurt people?’

‘It’s a massive problem,’ said Mr Guterres. ‘Americans are basically shooting themselves in the foot, or anywhere else, come to think of it.’

phot: https://pixabay.com/users/ronile-126846/

Celeb returns to twitter to see if their flounce worked

On Friday, the star told their 12 million followers: 'That's it, I'm off, I can't stand what Twitter has become.' At 2pm, the same day, they tweeted: 'And another thing, I think those that Tweet are dreadful people.' And again at 7pm: '$8 is outrageous'.

After a weekend of careful reflection, they sent the following: 'Why didn't you all follow me to my new platform? Hello? Is anyone there? Hey, look at this, it's a picture of me with a salad and James Corden.

'PLEASE LIKE.'