Celeb returns to twitter to see if their flounce worked

On Friday, the star told their 12 million followers: 'That's it, I'm off, I can't stand what Twitter has become.' At 2pm, the same day, they tweeted: 'And another thing, I think those that Tweet are dreadful people.' And again at 7pm: '$8 is outrageous'.

After a weekend of careful reflection, they sent the following: 'Why didn't you all follow me to my new platform? Hello? Is anyone there? Hey, look at this, it's a picture of me with a salad and James Corden.

'PLEASE LIKE.'

www.newsbiscuit.com

First published 24 Nov 2022

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Trump v BBC law suit will likely force some changes in programming

'We've entrusted the BBC's governors to oversee our defence against President Trump's libel suit,' said a spokes-antenna for the corporation, 'and that almost definitely means we'll lose the case and have to pay him a fortune.

'With that in mind," continued the spokes-cheque, "we're replacing our regular TV schedule with an exciting new economy line of programmes.

'East Enders will be replaced with Ceased Enders, where viewers can watch scene shifters take apart the set on Albert Square so it can be flogged to Sky.

'Top Gearbox will see the madcap team go to a Unipart warehouse to compare gearboxes for price and quality.

'There'll be Dr Who Can Lend Us A Fiver and our new charity fundraiser, Corporation in Need.

'And everyday we'll be screening an exhilarating new psycho-drama called Transmission Test Card, featuring a girl playing noughts and crosses with a creepy clown doll.

'We're expecting the whole of Britain to be riveted to their screens, waiting for him to come to life and draw a nought.

Traitor - live coverage via smartphone of the internal enquiry into who edited the Panorama footage of Trump's speech

Unfortunately, we can't give you any more examples of new cut price programmes but others believed to be under consideration are.

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Trump secures deal of Bone Saws to Saudi Arabia worth $300

With fly-bys, gun salutes and massive corruption, the so called US administration welcomed Mohammed bin Salman into the Oval Sales Office.

The full range of bone cutting equipment was laid out on the Resolute Desk on cheap gold plinths. The Saudi officials were particularly interested in the compact, fold away travel version with torch attachment, ideal for working in darkened back rooms of consulates.

His Majesty felt obliged to show interest in the powered reciprocating saws. These had toughened blades that oscillate at 12,000 strokes per minute. More than Trump in beauty pageant changing room.

Trump was very happy to talk in length about the best deal, the most best deal ever on surgical equipment, the likes of which no one had ever seen before, before he started to insult the press.

When one tried to ask about human rights, the prince was heard to mutter “You chop up one journalist...”