Updated: May 11

In what his doctors are calling an Adderallâ„¢ assisted policy blitz, President Trump has written to Sir Keir Starmer insisting the UK supports his plan to reopen the notorious Alcatraz Prison by following suit with HMP Slade from classic sitcom Porridge.
Leaked emails from the West Wing to Downing Street say, 'A hard-line penitentiary in the wilds of Cumberland would be perfect for us both to use. I understand it's three weeks from Euston and contains some of the hardest prison officers your country ever produced.
The President does insist that Fletcher is pardoned, Harry Grout is transferred and that Mr Mackay is made Governor. Once this is done, he would like to see the facility during his state visit. In return, we welcome any of your staff to Alcatraz, one we have checked all its tunnels for traces of Sean Connery.'
When the UK government wrote back to explain the prison was a work of fiction created in the 1970s by Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais and that the President should read more, the Trump Administration replied, 'Donald Trump read a book once, green it was.'
Photo by Rodrigo Soares on Unsplash