TV crime suspect tricked again into saying something other than 'no comment'

A suspect in a TV crime drama has once again capitulated from his initial stance of responding to every question with a smarmy 'no comment' and has admitted to a range of offences under mild questioning.

The incident, thought to be the 3,625th of its kind this year, happened nearly two thirds of the way through an episode of Vera, with experts noting that it seemed to follow the same pattern as every other interrogation scheme in every sodding Detective show.

'These cases all seem to follow a similar timeline. Its the speed of the capitulation by fellow cons that is a worry here', noted Mickey 'Mad Mike' McBride, head of Grifting at Crooks R Us.

'Always the same. A couple of confident 'no comments' to a direct accusation from a know-it-all TV detective, delivered with a wry smile, arms folded, with a casual lean back in the chair.', continued McBride. 'Usually accompanied by some supportive nods and note taking from their brief.'

'But then, there's a follow up question suggesting the cop has some new piece of evidence, or that they can negotiate some time for the suspect to talk with their estranged wife and son, and bang, they just totally spill the beans', noted McBride.

McBride has called for a radical overhaul of police-suspect dialogue, with TV crime suspects expected to deliver at least 20 'no comments' before giving in, preferably alongside some sarcastic slow handclaps at the wacky but actually correct theories of the detective.

Image: Pixabay/10634669

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Sherlock fails to solve riddle of what TV wire goes where

The sleuth admitted: 'Just when I thought I'd unravelled the mystery, I find that the Baker Street Irregulars have plugged their Xbox into the back. What a mess! It's a tangled web of lies, deceit and coaxial cables.

'Mycroft said my smart TV wasn't smart enough. While Dr. Watson's been no help whatsoever, as he can't even operate the DVD player. It's enough to drive a fellow to opium.'

Holmes later accused Moriarty of hiding the internet cable, but a spokesman for Moriarty said it was just an example of 'crossed wires'.

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Following the Fawlty Towers revival, Netflix announces an On The Buses reboot

One of the worst-kept entertainment secrets has now been revealed. Netflix have commissioned a brand new series of the legendary 1970s sitcom. It is also confirmed that Emma Thompson has been appointed as Executive Director / Producer. At a media briefing she gushed:-

“On The Buses, (or OTB as us thesps call it!) was the drama series that inspired me to become an actress, and has formed the backdrop to my life, relationships and work ever since.

I have already approached my dear friend Salmy – Salman Rushdie of course – to write the scripts. He was a bit concerned that he has not written comic material before but I assured him that that never bothered the original writers.

My dear dear friend Stephen Fry has absolutely insisted that he has the part of the driver Stan Butler. He will of course bring the acumen and gravitas to the role that Reg Varney sometimes struggled to deliver. And as soon as the rumours circulated that this classic was in the pipeline, my phone didn’t stop ringing! I answered an early call and a voice screamed down the phone ‘I hate you Butler!’ I recognised it immediately - it was of course my dear dear dear friend Hugh Grant!! He was born to play the part of Blakey!!!”

Miss Thompson continued “we will of course ensure that the plots are brought bang up to date and reflect the 21st century. We now see Olive as a sexy, attractive, politically-savvy, intelligent, independent, compassionate and caring character. We haven’t cast the role yet but watch this space!” At this point reporters noted Miss Thompson simpering coyly.

Miss Thompson concluded “Netflix are already aware that cinema spin-offs of the series were amongst the top-grossing films of the 1970s. They have asked me to sketch out a full-length feature – working title ‘Transgender Strategies and Seating Arrangements On The Buses’”.

Image: Pixabay/JordanHoliday