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One of the worst-kept entertainment secrets has now been revealed. Netflix have commissioned a brand new series of the legendary 1970s sitcom. It is also confirmed that Emma Thompson has been appointed as Executive Director / Producer. At a media briefing she gushed:-



“On The Buses, (or OTB as us thesps call it!) was the drama series that inspired me to become an actress, and has formed the backdrop to my life, relationships and work ever since.



I have already approached my dear friend Salmy – Salman Rushdie of course – to write the scripts. He was a bit concerned that he has not written comic material before but I assured him that that never bothered the original writers.



My dear dear friend Stephen Fry has absolutely insisted that he has the part of the driver Stan Butler. He will of course bring the acumen and gravitas to the role that Reg Varney sometimes struggled to deliver. And as soon as the rumours circulated that this classic was in the pipeline, my phone didn’t stop ringing! I answered an early call and a voice screamed down the phone ‘I hate you Butler!’ I recognised it immediately - it was of course my dear dear dear friend Hugh Grant!! He was born to play the part of Blakey!!!”



Miss Thompson continued “we will of course ensure that the plots are brought bang up to date and reflect the 21st century. We now see Olive as a sexy, attractive, politically-savvy, intelligent, independent, compassionate and caring character. We haven’t cast the role yet but watch this space!” At this point reporters noted Miss Thompson simpering coyly.



Miss Thompson concluded “Netflix are already aware that cinema spin-offs of the series were amongst the top-grossing films of the 1970s. They have asked me to sketch out a full-length feature – working title ‘Transgender Strategies and Seating Arrangements On The Buses’”.



First published 19 Feb 2023


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This year’s Christmas Radio Times is a record-breaking 1,200 pages, and costs £22.


This year’s magazine lists the on-line festive offerings for the first time.  It has traditionally given comprehensive listings for terrestrial TV and some streaming services, but is now bowing to modern media usage.


‘People watch less and less TV, and more and more content on social media apps,’ says analyst Mike Teevee.  ‘The Radio Times was looking increasingly out of date.  The clue’s in the name.  This latest move is interesting.  You could accuse them of trying to print out the internet.  Twelve hundred pages is going to be too heavy for a lot of old folk.  But marks for effort.’


Magazine editor Liz Tings is talking up the festive edition. ‘The Christmas Radio Times is a family tradition.  It’s the issue that makes us all the profit for the whole year, so it’s important that we get it right.  This year, we are helping our readers to navigate all of the wacky stuff on the internet, seeking out the best dancing kitten videos for Mum, car crashes for Dad, and skibidi toilet stuff for the kids.  We’ve done our best to steer clear of all the dodgy stuff on the net, and we have not listed any websites on the Dark Net.


‘We obviously haven’t listed everything on YouTube.  We didn’t have enough pages for that.  But we have listed the Christmas highlights of past years, and our experts have curated the best content for 2025.  Not all YouTubers were able to give us preview tapes, unfortunately.


‘The magazine is now quite big, so it comes with a separate highlights leaflet, so that you find the most popular programmes quickly.


‘We are aware that the magazine will have used lots and lots of paper, so we are encouraging everyone to keep their copy for the New Year.  Page 1,196 gives readers our 2026 work-out plan, so that they can get fit by using the Radio Times, instead of buying dumbbells or weights.  We have a competition to find the biggest Radio Times loser, who will win a year’s subscription – so that they can find out what the magazine is like at all the other times of the year.


image from google gemini



The Home Secretary made it clear she had zero tolerance for illegal immigrants- particularly the furry variety that $hit in woods. In a TV outburt Shabana Mahmood, accused Paddington of being a bear of military age, determined to come over here and rape our marmalade.


Her aide said. 'I don't care how he got here, small boat or the pen of Michael Bond - that little work-shy Peruvian ba$tard is getting the boot.' This follows the UK adopting Denmark's strident anti-immigration laws, which saw the Little Mermaid pickled and sold as a rollmop.


Initially housed with the Brown family, until Tommy Robinson fired bombed their house, Paddington has been living rough. Mahmood said Paddington's suitcase and hat would be confiscated to cover the cost of his deportation. 'Someone had put a note on him saying 'Please look after this bear' - well f%ck you, Aunt Lucy, you trafficking scum.'


Photo by Alex Stone on Unsplash

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