When The Votes Come In

Come here, my little Mikey

I’ve smoked my wacky baccy

Let’s have a line of cracky

When the vote comes in

Dance to the Tories, sing to the money

Dance to the Tories, to the money sing

You shall see a Rishi with no Sky on dishy

We shall have our wishy when the vote comes in

If you have a wishy

For the little Rishi

He will seem a little fishy

When the vote comes in

Dance to the Tories, sing to the money

Dance to the Tories, to the money sing

You shall see a Rishi with no Sky on dishy

We shall have our wishy when the vote comes in

Here’s the lady Mordaunt

Carrying her sword on

Might supersede the morons

When the vote comes in

Dance to the Tories, sing to the money

Dance to the Tories, to the money sing

You shall see a Rishi with no Sky on dishy

We have got our wishy now the vote’s come in

Lib Dems promise to sort out the telly

The Lib Dems have promised that, if elected, there will be more premiership football games featuring Ed Davey on free to air television. They see this as an excellent policy – popular and also cheap. This has inspired them to make further plans to ‘sort out the telly’.

Ideas under consideration include:

- fewer adverts during films, and no sneaky backloading of adverts towards the end of the film. How annoying is that?

- bringing back David Tennant as Doctor Who, and toning down all the gay stuff.

- a strict quota on ABCDEFG programmes. The acronym refers to programmes about Antiques, Bargains, Clothes, Disasters and DIY (including DIY disasters), Emergency Services, Food and Gardening.

- reducing the 1% Club to twenty minutes, as there are so few quiz questions and far too much banter.

- all streaming services to be free on Sundays

- a new version of It’s A Knockout, with teams of politicians. This is mainly on the list because Ed Davey is very keen to participate, and because he imagines that a Lib Dem team might actually win.

Image: Newsbiscuit

TV Election Debates: Five Key Take-Aways

The TV election debates go on for far too long and are, usually, entirely unilluminating.

So we've worked out the five key take-aways for you.  They are indian, chinese, burgers, pizza, and fish and chips. 

Any of these take-aways should distract you from the mind-numbing tediousness of it all.

Enjoy!

image from pixabay