- BillClay
- 4 days ago
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Retreating Russian troops have left behind an enormous wooden horse in the city of Kherson as a gesture of goodwill, it has emerged. Russian military sources confirmed that the giant wooden horse has been left as a gift to the Ukrainians as a reward for their superior fighting ability.
‘It looks like the Russians have left the city’ confirmed Ukrainian general Ivan Bondarenko.
‘At first we were very suspicious that their very public announcement of such an embarrassing retreat may have been some kind of Russki trap, but other than the wooden horse they’ve left behind in the centre of the city there’s no sign of them’.
Meanwhile, Russian leader Vladimir Putin has confirmed that due to the logistical difficulties with supplying the front line he decided to withdraw his troops from the city.
‘Sometimes you just have to admit when you’re beat’ Putin told Russian TV.
‘We’re definitely not up to anything sneaky or underhand, no way. We’ve just left behind a giant wooden horse because we thought Ukraine might like to keep it as a memento of their great victory in Kherson, we also left a bottle of Prosecco and a tin of Quality Streets. There’s nothing more to it than that’ continued Putin raising a pinkie finger to his lips.
However, locals in Kherson have warned advancing Ukrainian troops to be wary of a trap.
‘They’re definitely up to something’ says Kherson resident 88-year-old Anastasia Melnyk.
’ You can hear people talking loudly and singing Russian folk songs. Also every 5 minutes a trap door on the underside opens and you can see them taking a piss and throwing out empty bottles of Vodka’.
‘Apart from that it’s a pretty good plan’.
First published 12 Nov 2022
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Updated: Nov 2
Nothing could hide the government's embarrassment, when they discovered they had less houses then when they started. The Minister explained. "Once we'd factored in all the repossessions and accidently demolishing a few, it turns out were missing around 100,000 – it's possible they might have ended up as landfill.
"Coupled with the PM's houses being set on fire by Ukrainian male escorts – all whom Sir Keir has no knowledge of whatsoever, I cannot emphasize that enough. Once those young lads had finished their random acts of unmotivated arson, well, that was at least two more gone.
"And who knows where they might strike again? Seriously, if we burn down every home belonging to a Cabinet Minister who'd had a bit of hanky panky or had housed Prince Andrew and Jeffery Epstein – well we'd all be homeless."
image from pixabay
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