Dave (56) is a proud patriot. Bald, fat and with a history of domestic violence he loves his country. Recent Ukrainian attacks on Russian data centres have left him tired and dispirited.
'In the good old days I just spent a few minutes here and there replying with ‘crying laughing’ emojis to any woke soyboys. There were always enough educated patriots to provide detailed arguments. After the evil Ukrainian attacks I suddenly found myself outnumbered. I think they must have targeted patriots somehow’.
Sally (63) is an embittered housewife. She has recently found herself the centre of attention in her local community for increasingly racist posts which have attracted hundreds of admiring comments. ‘This week’s been awful’, she told reporters. ‘Just critics everywhere. Where have all my fans gone?’
Patriots across Britain have had a trying couple of days trying to keep the comments flowing with little help from 'PatriotDave7855363535'.
It seems Elon Musk has responded to criticism by turning off Starlink to deter Ukraine’s aggression. Can’t let survival get in the way of the business model.
image from Grok
'Russia's strike on a train which was reportedly meant to get Boris Johnson," said a spokes-Diesel Multiple Unit for the UK's rail companies, "has come as a wake up call to all us about the risks of carrying eminent former statesmen as passengers... and clowns like Boris.
'We are therefore suspending all passenger and freight services across the UK, with immediate effect, while we assess the possibility that Russia might be planning to strike trains carrying Sir Keir Starmer, Liz Truss, Theresa May or Harold MacMillan. Yep, the sleeper service carrying him from King's Cross to Inverness has still not arrived.
'Rail staff will be kept on full pay and high alert, playing cards in the canteen, until we have competed this exhaustive analysis and decided to get back to work again. There will be no refunds on tickets for cancelled services.
'As you probably noticed, we don't actually like running trains and incidents this like give us a perfect pretext not to bother.'
photo: newsbiscuit archive
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