It can't be WWIII, Germany hasn't joined in

Those complaining that the conflict in the Middle East is a world war, forget it's not a party until it's a Nazi Party. Explained the German Ambassador: 'We own the copyright on the letters WW, which is why no animals or wrestlers can work without our say so.'

Israel has been trying its best to imitate the OG, with its sinister black shirts and dodgy European accents. unfortunately they lack the authenticity that comes with a penchant for leather, logistics and methamphetamine. Germany at least tried to cover up their war crimes, they did not turn them into an OnlyFans account.

Germany is doing its best to join the conflict by rearming, but is struggling to start WWIII in Iran, when they are all ready committed to making one in Ukraine. The Ambassador said: 'Normally we need a pathological narcissist to lead us, but he's too busy running The White House.'

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Epstein List and British Honours List to merge

The Soviets described it as Kompromat, but most just call it Prince Andrew. This is the use of sexual blackmail to control the rich and powerful or to get Peter Mandelson his own Netflix special. It is now such a sign of prestige to be caught between two Ukranian rent boys, that anyone not on the Epstein List is just not trying hard enough.

Some politicians need to be tricked into a honey trap, whereas someone like Bill Clinton has his own CIA sponsored OnlyFans site. Cynics refer to the UK'S OBE as the Order of Bibi & Epstein. Suggesting that the Venn Diagram of politicians with a sex tape and who are supporting genocide is now a perfect circle.

Epstein's list matches Hansard and is longer than the phone book. Said one S7 leader: 'No one knows how many are compromised, but I can guarantee we all f$$k like Gods!'

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Putin asks China if he can borrow the Terracotta Army

The Chinese Emperor Qinshihuang had a standing army of thousands of Terracotta Soldiers and Horses who have had a reputation for never retreating even when facing Burial or being taken prisoner.

Now they are going to be exported to the front line In Donbas, where they can be cast into the stationary battlefront, where Putin hopes they will stand their ground.

If they become damaged in the meat grinder, they could still earn their keep after being ground up and recast several times over.

So, 'all the Clay Horses and all the Clay men, Putin could stick back together again.'

Trumpty Dumpty was not available for comment.

Picture credit: Wix AI