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A spokesman from the Russian Federation has reported a version of the Ukraine peace plan that differs in some small details from the published version.
'Russia agrees to Ukraine ceasing all offensive and defensive actions for thirty days. Russia might even join in for thirty days, but not necessarily for thirty nights. Henceforth Russia agrees that Ukraine shouldn't be led to the negotiating table with her arms tied behind her back and blindfolded. The blindfold should be removed,' he said today.
Meanwhile the United States is claiming a huge success of the talks. 'What peace deal? We said piece deal, and the piece we want is the mineral piece,' said a US spokesperson, who because of the recent DEI ban is a spokesman, actually
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1984, George Orwell's famous study of autocratic tyranny, has long been on the list of books banned from American public schools and libraries.
Its sudden reappearance was therefore met with surprise, until people noticed it wasn't quite the same book they remembered.
'Russia is our ally, Russia has always been our ally,' declares the book in a particularly unexpected passage. 'They support us in our struggle against Canada and Mexico. So it's only right we should help them when Ukraine provocatively attacks Russian soldiers, hundreds of miles inside Ukrainian territory.
'We're not sure whose side Lesotho is on, but then it sounds like a made up country anyway.'
The book goes on to say Russia isn't actually at war, because they choose not to call it that. Moreover freedom is slavery, and ignorance, if not exactly strength, can certainly be helpful in getting elected.
It concludes with a paean of praise to 'Big Orange Brother', the great leader whose infinite wisdom guides a grateful nation to ever greater success and prosperity.
However, it's thought no one will ever read the new version, because all public schools and libraries have now been closed so that Elon Musk can have a slightly larger tax break.
Image: https://photofunia.com/
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