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NATO denies fighter jets 'too high-performance to be useful in Ukraine'


A NATO spokesman today denied that NATO's top-gun fighter, the F35, was 'too high performance' to be of any practical use in the 'dirty battlefield' of Ukraine.



He admitted that the state-of-the-art jets require 'cleaned' runways, airspace free of drones and hand-held missiles, and good wifi access in all areas of operation.


He went on to say this would not prevent them dominating the airspace in Ukraine, given a sympathetic social media atmosphere.



"President Zalensky has read the marketing brochures" he explained. "Whilst that might lead him to think the jets would be the solution to many of his problems, it does tend to skim over all the limitations of these planes."


"I'm not saying the ads are bullshit, but they might be painting a rosy picture"


McDonnell-Douglas, manufacturer of the eye-wateringly expensive F-35, was unavailable for comment. But they did promise to launch an airstrike on our HQ, as soon as the political atmosphere improves and they can find a pilot who can fly the blasted things.






First published 13 Feb 2023


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MPs' hypocrisy achieves levels even jets can't reach



In an astonishing display of two-faced political shithousery earlier today, British Parliamentarians gave several standing ovations to a man representing everything they abhor and avoid.


The subject of the applause was President Zelenskiy of Ukraine. He is renowned for his leadership, honesty, self-effacement, steadfast strength of purpose and promotion of the common good among his citizens.


Spectators were utterly bemused why MPs were praising these characteristics. Standard candidate selection procedures usually eliminate anyone showing such fanciful nonsense. Advancement within party hierarchies then requires their replacement by equal quantities of greed, personal wealth, indecision, and a final removal of all morals and conscience.


Why were all these carefully crafted anti-human designs so much in favour of Zelenskiy? Speculation includes that they may hold franchises for dark-green war fatigues. As one MP was heard to mutter while speaking later on the phone to his broker, "Zelenskiy? The vest a man can get."






image from pixabay



First published 12 Feb 2023


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

















King's speech to feature unprecedented honesty

Panic is rising in Westminster as it has become clear that the forthcoming King's speech will break with tradition and tell it how it is.


The monarch is normally expected to read out a text which has been agreed beforehand by civil servants and the royal staff.


But this year Charles has let it be known that he wants to deliver a more truthful assessment of the state of politics in his Kingdom.


A leaked excerpt from the speech reads:


'I wish to apologise to you, my subjects, that my governments, over the past few years, have fallen short of the standard expected by the British people. You deserve better. The highest positions of power in the country have been occupied by fools, corrupt chancers, narcissists and foreign agents. And those were the sane ones.'


Keir Starmer is reported to be asking for political asylum in China.


And Donald Trump has posted that he wants to Make England Great Again, or 'MEGA'. But not, he emphasised, by regaining its colonies in America. Maybe by invading Ireland, where they mostly speak English, so it would just be like Russia's special military operation in Ukraine.



Image credit: perchance.org

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