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FIFA strongly condemns Leeds' sacking of Bielsa




Following calls for decisive action, the international governing body of world football has expressed its disapproval of Leeds United’s decision to dismiss their manager Marcelo Bielsa in the strongest possible terms. In a powerful statement designed to strike fear into the owners, FIFA have threatened to ban the use of LUFC flags and the singing of their anthem ‘Marching On Together’ in the Elland Road stadium.


In a wide-ranging series of accompanying world-shattering announcements that demonstrate their profound knowledge and trustworthy custodianship of the game, FIFA has also questioned the appointment of Roy Hodgson as Watford boss, suggested that Mo Salah should get his hair cut and praised West Ham’s Kurt Zouma for kicking a cat.



First published 2 Mar 2022



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Isle of Wight Tiddlywinks Club bans Russian athletes




The Isle of Wight Tiddlywinks Club has become the latest organisation to ban Russian teams and athletes, as the world of sport continues to show support towards Ukraine.


Not wanting to be outdone by the likes of FIFA, UEFA and the International Olympic Committee, Fred Wooler, club secretary, treasurer, newsletter author, membership manager and interim tiddlywink polisher, has also told members that Russian teams can no longer take part.


Writing to the club’s 11 members, Mr Wooler notes that “Russian aggressive and nuclear threats leave me no choice but to take this drastic, diplomatic action”.


Speaking to press following the announcement, Mr Wooler admitted Russian had ever actually taken part or attempted to take part in any club events, although he warned that he could not guarantee it had not been infiltrated by Russia spies at the height of the Cold War.


“Old Tommy Masterton was always a bit suspect,” Mr Wooler said. “He only drank half pints and had spent time living in Portsmouth. So, this time around I am not going to be caught out.”


Mr Wooler said he was surprised by the delay in response from the Kremlin, as the club was “the third largest Tiddlywinks club in the Solent area”.



First published 1 Mar 2022



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