Any peace plan must include alternate photo ops, insisted Sir Keir, who was worried that voters would discover he has nothing else to do with his time. His events calendar normally comprises of -
5% cosplay in an army outfit.
7% standing in silhouette by a door.
10% walking in slow-mo through a garden, nodding sagely at sage.
78% readjusting camera angles to make himself look taller
This is the first peace proposal to include a performer rider, with Sir Keir demanding hundreds of statesmen-like poses in designer outfits, all paid for by dubious means. In private he is said to have been furious that he may have to go back to images of him been shouted at by pub landlords or that video of him with a punchbag, that makes him look like a bellend.
