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Kids internet ban resurfaces three rings


With the government hell-bent on stopping under sixteen year old children accessing the internet, children are pointing out they use their apps to monitor their friends have returned home safely.


'Apparently I'll need to use my minutes or text allowance to check if Billy got home ok,' said Jimmy, aged eight, 'and I need that to ensure I can call my mum if I'm stuck. So I'm going to use something I found on the internet - apparently people used to dial friends and hang up after three rings. With caller ID that should work and will be free,' he added.


Phone companies are looking into whether they can monetise this, as providing safety for kids isn't on the corporate dashboard.




Starmer answers critics


Prime Minister (at the time of writing) Keir Starmer has hit back at critics who say the ban on under 16s using social media is unworkable. Stating that critics have no idea how easy it is for government to monitor online activity of citizens, he laid out the punishments being considered for children who break the new law.


First offenders will be fined two packets of Panini stickers and a vape, with repeat offenders having their houses raided, all computers and phones confiscated, and being declared terrorists.




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