70s patio listed as UNESCO World Heritage Site

An excited historian confirmed: ‘It’s been untouched by weedkiller or human hand for generations. It’s the most preserved example of brutalist architecture we have, outside of Slough. And at solstice time. druids will gather around to have a BBQ and a quick nap on the hammock. Yes, it may be grey, mouldy and uneven – but so is Stonehenge’.

Nobody is sure who the original builders of the patio were, but preserved artifacts suggest it was a cro-magnon builder, who smoked non-filtered cigarettes. Likewise, it’s purpose is lost, but many think that it was the roof of a burial chamber for a dead cat. The historian said: ‘It’s not uncommon for the God of Cement to demand a rockery or garden gnome stand guard over the structure. And birds would often smash snails upon it as sacrifice. What I would say, is whoever lived here, were certainly primitive’.

image from pixabay

First published 13 Jul 2022

www.newsbiscuit.com

If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

Earth to be Recycled

Five go Dobbing in the Neighbours

15 Years of Typos

Lego to Replace Bitcoins

70s patio listed as UNESCO World Heritage Site

An excited historian confirmed: ‘It’s been untouched by weedkiller or human hand for generations. It’s the most preserved example of brutalist architecture we have, outside of Slough. And at solstice time. druids will gather around to have a BBQ and a quick nap on the hammock. Yes, it may be grey, mouldy and uneven – but so is Stonehenge’.

Nobody is sure who the original builders of the patio were, but preserved artifacts suggest it was a cro-magnon builder, who smoked non-filtered cigarettes. Likewise, it’s purpose is lost, but many think that it was the roof of a burial chamber for a dead cat. The historian said: ‘It’s not uncommon for the God of Cement to demand a rockery or garden gnome stand guard over the structure. And birds would often smash snails upon it as sacrifice. What I would say, is whoever lived here, were certainly primitive’.

image from pixabay

Marble Arch Mound to Get World Heritage Status, Westminster Council Claims

Stonehenge may be on the verge of getting demolished to make way for a bypass and another pile of rocks in Wales may be deemed to have greater historical significance than Liverpool’s Dockyards, but Westminster Council leaders have assured the public that it is only a matter of time before the municipal monstrosity that is the Marble Arch Mound will catch the attention of the World Heritage Committee.

There are widespread concerns, however, that UNESCO may not be quite so taken with this artificial eyesore, which resembles a half finished building that has been left abandoned for so long that moss has started to grow on it, because it looks more like something Fred Dibnah would have demolished in the 1980s rather than a ridiculously expensive urban art installation that people are actually supposed to pay money to walk up.

This has led to a barrage of complaints from the public, who object to having to fork out money for clambering up a dangerous pile of scaffolding that may collapse and kill them at any moment, a feat usually only attempted free of charge by very drunk people trying to show off to their mates.

Despite universal criticism by everyone who has had the misfortune to see it, council leaders still insist that the Marble Arch Mound will easily overtake Stonehenge as one of the most visited monuments in Britain and will soon be listed alongside the Great Pyramid of Giza as one of the wonders of the world.

When asked if this was a slightly deluded ambition given that people have been visiting Stonehenge for 5000 years and the Marble Arch Mound has already been forced to close after only two days due to it being the most offensively rubbish thing anyone has ever been duped into paying an extortionate entrance fee for, Westminster Council representatives Pointed out that unlike Stonehenge, 'the mound is completed.'