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National Trust suspends Keir Starmer's membership

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The National Trust has voted to suspend Prime Minister Keir Starmer over his role in increasing National Insurance contributions.


Members of the organisation, one of the UK's largest, also overwhelmingly voted to re-examine its relationship with Labour over the issue.  They said Sir Keir had been suspended for bringing the organisation into disrepute, after the National Trust was forced to make 550 people redundant because of the extra costs of employers' national insurance and the minimum wage.


There was some confusion over Sir Keir’s membership of the National Trust. Number 10 claimed that he was no longer a member and had made the difficult decision to resign and cancelled his direct debit months ago, and therefore could not be suspended.


Number 10 remained tight lipped on various wild claims that Sir Keir was unhappy with Trust policies on fox hunting, slavery, colonialism, its relationships its with tenant farmers, car parking charges, and the price of scones.



Unite suspends 86 MPs

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After suspending Angela Raynor, the Unite union has decided to suspend the memberships of all 86 of the Labour MPs that it supports.


A spokesman said, ‘Angela started it all. The bin strike. The smell of rubbish. The smell of fear. The lack of support for our members. She was the first domino.


‘When we thought about it, we wondered what we were getting for the half a million quid we chipped in to support Labour MPs. That’s all hard-earned money from our members – we sent actual cash, not suits or dresses or posh specs - and we ARE expecting something back in return.


‘In business it’s all about efficiency, performance, customer service and other buzzwords. This government fails on all counts. It has made decisions, backed them to the hilt, talked them up, climbed back down, reversed decisions, and gone round in circles. Is that what spin doctors are for?


‘So we have decided to be business like. We’ve turned off the money tap until performance improves. And we’ll be having a quiet chat with Jeremy Corbyn...’



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