US of Eh? America added to its own Axis of Evil

Donald Trump knows that everyone loves a bad boy, so the USA is going double naughty.

American intelligence analysts have therefore listed the USA itself as part of the Axis of Evil. However, all American intelligence analysts are set to be fired after Elon Musk was too high on ketamine to remember how many Nazi salutes he had given.

One analyst sighed, 'Old Musky-pants could just have joined Fathers 4 Justice instead of this. He wears a leather jacket and is in his 50s, so he definitely has the vibe.'

Given the threat America poses to everyone, including America, Trump has ordered all major American cities that voted Democrat - which is essentially all of them - to be targeted by American nukes. That’s as long as Putin gives his permission.

Picture credit: Wix AI

Trump says Europeans can join Ukraine peace talks - and serve the coffee

At a White House press conference this morning President Trump revealed European countries could be involved in the Ukraine peace talks.

'Vladimir and I think it would be nice to have them there,' said Trump. 'Really nice, so nice. There will be difficult moments in the negotiations and it is then we will all need to break for coffee. Hopefully the Italians are there. Their coffee is great, especially with those free little biscuits, I always take a big handful of those.'

He went on to say, 'European input into the negotiations will be important, everyone there will want a croissant to begin with, can’t start on an empty stomach. The French understand that. Yes, we’ll have the Europeans here as long as they can quietly serve everyone without getting in the way, and I’d love it if they could wear white gloves too. Very smart. I get the staff in Mar-a-Lago to use those too, you know, especially when handling classified documents.

Picture credit: Wix AI

Zelenskyy and Putin to find Totty for Trump

Fears are growing amongst friends and family of America’s First Lady Melania Trump ,nee Knauss,that the president intends filing for divorce and is actively seeking a fourth wife.

Rumours yet to be confirmed or denied by White House staffers are saying Trump is insisting that a new Ukrainian or Russian wife for him must be part of any American solution for peace in Ukraine.

His three stipulations are as usual, she must be young, pretty and have a lower command of English then he has.

Despite sacking Melania’s English teacher early in their marriage ,Trump has become more and more aware that his wife’s vocabulary far exceeds his own and that on the few occasions he allows her to speak in public, he and his MAGA followers struggle to understand her.

Trump’s second wife Marla Maples, after his failed marriage to Ivana Zeinickova, was in fact American. An actress and TV presenter. She later described being married to Trump as like living with a Twelve year old with a speech impediment and likened him to an excitable Red Setter,constantly looking for praise and attention. She wrote, if I told him he was a good boy he would jump on his bed, playing with his Golf balls and trying to lick his own nuts.

According to FBI files, Trump is no stranger to mail order brides and that he is in fact, Donny (,could have been a professional golfer) ,from Florida ,that has been banned from numerous Thai Mail order sites. With his IP address traced to the Mar-a-Lago area, Trump is alleged to have inundated hundreds of Thai women with unsolicited Dick Pics and a promise of the Best Marriage, the best marriage in history.

With his recent criminal convictions ,accusations of rape, sexual assault and flings with Porn stars, Trump is not worried about any adverse public reaction should he dump Melania and bring in an immigrant, as Trump has said many times, my supporters make up excuses for me.

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