Village votes to leave the UK

The Oxfordshire village of Piddington has voted to leave the UK because of the plan to house male asylum seekers nearby.

But would they become a principality without a prince, a kingdom without a king, or a country without any sort of leader?

'They are welcome to seek asylum in our great country, announced a world leader today.  'They can take over Canada.'

photo: Newsbiscuit Archive

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Clacton Voters remain Confused over true identity of Andy Binman

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Labour to lower voting age until they find a voter

Having seen his polling numbers tank, the PM is desperate to find any person naïve enough to vote for him. The hope is 16-17 year olds are just young enough not to know any better – or, at the very least, drunk on cheap cider. Allowing teenagers to vote is like giving cats your credit card - okay in principle, but don't complain when they eat all your food and still ignore you. Explained a close aide of Starmer: 'If we're going to conscript them, might as well let them vote.

'Besides, we've pegged the voting age to our popularity. Currently we're at 15%, but we reckon we can go so much lower.' Asked if they thought they would go lower: 'Now that I think about it, I suppose if your country is going to f$ck you, you should be over the age of consent.'

Picture credit: Wix AI