New Thames Water mascot leaves a bad smell in the boardroom

News emerged today that beleaguered Thames Water recently briefed a leading ad agency to come up with a customer friendly mascot, in an attempt  to try and win favour with its less-than-happy captive subscriber base. 

But sadly, Tommy The Turd, a cuddly, brown, sausage-shaped character with the catchphrase: "I'd give that ten minutes if I were you," failed to win favour when the agency presented its proposed campaign to bosses.

Company bigwigs were said to be furious with one exec, who asked not to be named, commenting brusquely. 'Look, I know this company is the very embodiment of tin-eared arrogance towards its customers, but even we could never have hoped to get away with such a thing.

'The money we've wasted on this, over five hundred grand by the way, might as well have been flushed round the S-bend. I mean, it could've been divided it up between the board members as a little bit of extra bounce. Tommy The Turd has to be a shittiest idea I have ever seen. I knew we should've just hired that stupid, effing, pink, spotty wanker, Blobby.' 

image from pixabay

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New regulator to monitor performance of regulators

A new government body, provisionally named OfReg, has been created to monitor the performance of regulators. 

'It’s clear that many regulators aren’t doing the job the public has a right to expect of them,' said the Minister for Pointless Bureacracy, Sir Reginald Bufton-Tufton. 'This new body will put a stop to that.

'In line with established best practice in the sector, OfReg will be staffed by people who owe favours to, people we want to shunt out of their existing jobs but can’t fire, and a chap who used to fag for me at Uppingham.'

Asked what he would do if OfReg turns out to be useless too, Sir Reginald said maybe they could set up another regulator to monitor its performance. When it was suggested that the number of regulators was spiralling out of control, he agreed, and said a committee should be set up to look into the problem.

'Or how about this - the water regulator OfWat could monitor the performance of OfReg? They’d have the spare time, since they’re doing sod all about the water companies.'

Picture credit: Wix AI

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