Three months into his Work Experience placement as Prime Minister, Andy Burnham ‘s next move will be ‘a squirt of WD-40’ into various branches of the Civil Service.
‘It takes ages to get anything done in government’, a spokesman said. ‘WD-40 works on rusty hinges and creaking gates, maybe it could streamline the legislative process. Got to be worth a try’.
Burnham’s flagship economic policy - nationalising pork scratchings – has proved frustrating. The National Pork Scratchings Collective still hasn’t agreed a constitution and looks to be months away from commissioning its first Tik Tok advert featuring baby-faced Burnham enjoying a pack of the skin-based delicacy.
‘It’s all about momentum’, the spokesman told us. ‘Andy has to announce something new every week or someone’s going to point at him and laugh, and it’ll all be over. Once people realise he’s just a bloke it’ll be like the end of Whistle Down The Wind, only more Northern. We need those Tik Toks, we need a coherent policy on pork scratching distribution and we need a really big can of WD-40, pronto’.
Image: File:Prime Minister Andy Burnham arrives at 10 Downing Street (55406541496).jpg - Wikimedia Commons
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