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Starmer most hated PM? Hold my pint, says Streeting

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Rumours of a leadership bid, have been triggered by Starmer being less popular than Prince Andrew at a Nativity Play. Wes Streeting is touted as a natural replacement as someone we can universally despise. He has all the charm of a puff adder and the ethics of...well...a puff adder.


Embarrassingly Starmer chose to quell rumours of a challenge, by announcing rumours of a challenge using a megaphone. The first example of a political career accessing assisted suicide.


Streeting did the media rounds with popular ideas - a new series of Mrs Brown's Boys, talking during movies and bringing back Windows Vista. He boasted if he became PM slow WiFi would be standard and the word "literally" would be literally misused literally every day. Literally.


Government makes new offer to junior doctors


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The Health Secretary has said that he won't negotiate with doctors on pay, but that he can look at other areas, such as working conditions.


Wes Streeting is now expected to offer junior doctors a new service to help them find well paid jobs abroad.


'It's widely known that the NHS is losing doctors to other countries,' said a spokesman.  'Many doctors can double their salaries in Australia and benefit from better weather and better beaches, although the downsides include poisonous spiders and aggressive cricket fans.


'Our new government-backed scheme will help doctors who think they are underpaid to find a bigger paycheck.  We aim to help the most militant and strike prone doctors to fulfil their potential by working somewhere else, like Gaza, perhaps.  We reckon they'll miss the dynamic environment of the NHS, by which I mean too many patients, not enough doctors, and ever-changing policies.


We are happy to support this new service because our research shows that most doctors who go abroad will be back within two weeks.  I wonder if Thomas Cook were the right people to do that work?'


Photo by Usman Yousaf on Unsplash

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