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Conservative party loses party whip


The entire parliamentary Conservative party has had the party whip removed.


"They all know what they've done.", explained a grim faced Craig Whittaker, former chief whip. "I don't think the party wants to be associated with any of them. Mr Whittaker is believed to be wrestling with the problem of who can restore the whip if they don't have any MPs.


Rishi Sunak, now an independent Prime Minister, was asked if he would consider standing again. "I am standing.", said an irritated Sunak.



Chancellor asks for Commons whip round as UK credit card declined



Having announced a multi-billion pound plan that promised tax cuts for those who avoid paying any tax, the Tory party has been left in an embarrassing position, not dissimilar to that of a man who took his entire family our for a slap up meal, only to find that having told them to eat and drink whatever they wanted, his credit card was declined.


It appears the chancellor was unaware of how just much his predecessor had been asked by the previous Prime Minister to spaff away on the nation's credit card, which is now maxed out. Having made his fiscal statement in the Commons and ensured it received maximum publicity, the Chancellor has been forced to ask his fellow MPs if they can help him out with the bill.


After emptying their pockets, Tory MPs have so far donated a dozen betting slips, seven unused condoms, two thrupenny bits and three farthings.


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