WW3 postponed due to ban on Arabic numerals

As US President Donald Trump personally deploys bunker busting bombs on Iran by leaning out of a B2 bomber, critics who claim he is kick-starting the next World War have been told it isn't true.

'I have signed an Executive Order today banning the numbers used in World Wars belonging to the United States as historically the losers who named them used Arabic numerals. Hence I have insisted that this big, beautiful World War I have started bigly is to be numbered in American numerals. Nobody can start a World War better than me,' added the President.

Experts have tried pointing out that historically Roman numerals have frequently been used, such as World War I and World War II. 'This would make it World War III,' pointed out one expert. An Executive Order banning the use of either 4 or IV after the words 'World War' is considered entirely unnecessary.

Photo by Karl Callwood on Unsplash

Musk leaving the White House

Dr Seuss to publish Trump transcripts

The White House has decided that transcripts of President Trump’s incoherent announcements and rambling speeches will no longer be published in the official database. That way, nobody will be able to go back through what he said to determine whether he told the truth or recognised the US Constitution at any point.

However, an unofficial record of The Donald’s descent from idiocy to imbecility will be generated by children’s author Dr Seuss. It is said that he was chosen as he is used to writing nonsense in very short sentences using a tiny vocabulary.

An example, on tariffs:

I do not like this Chinese stuff,

They do not make it dear enough,

It's awful tat and plastic guff,

The USA don't need this stuff

We don't want it to come by plane,

We don't want it to come by train,

We don't want it to come by boat,

We don't want it to come by goat

My tariffs are a super fix,

No more tat for Tik Tok chicks,

I do not like green eggs and ham,

I'll tax them 'cos I'm Uncle Sam.

Dr Seuss denied that he would be adding titles to the entries. He said that The MAGA Twat In The Hat, Fox News On The Box and No Cheap Eggs Or Ham are to be published separately. And unlike anything uttered by President Trump, they will have some basis in fact.

Hat tip to deskpilot

Image credit: deep dream generator