Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky has been considering his clothing options ahead of a meeting with Donald 'The Grump' Trump - a man so old that he believes all young whippersnappers should be wearing a suit and tie. There was some ludicrously feigned outfit outrage manufactured after their previous meeting.
Zelensky has considered matching the Tangerine Abomination's get up, with a dark suit and red tie that is weirdly too long, to confuse Trump into believing that they are Presidents of one anothers countries.
Alternatively, Zelensky might sellotape a piece of paper to his t-shirt with the words 'The Epstein List' written in a font big enough to be read by the watching cameras. As a back up to this idea, one advisor suggested that in order to really pique Trump's interest, Zelensky should dress as a 14 year old girl.
As US President Donald Trump personally deploys bunker busting bombs on Iran by leaning out of a B2 bomber, critics who claim he is kick-starting the next World War have been told it isn't true.
'I have signed an Executive Order today banning the numbers used in World Wars belonging to the United States as historically the losers who named them used Arabic numerals. Hence I have insisted that this big, beautiful World War I have started bigly is to be numbered in American numerals. Nobody can start a World War better than me,' added the President.
Experts have tried pointing out that historically Roman numerals have frequently been used, such as World War I and World War II. 'This would make it World War III,' pointed out one expert. An Executive Order banning the use of either 4 or IV after the words 'World War' is considered entirely unnecessary.
Photo by Karl Callwood on Unsplash