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It's understood The Wombles have been placed on zero hours contracts and are no longer free to womble underground or overground. The news comes following Wimbledon's recent move to outsource its recycling and refuse collection arrangements.


Great Uncle Bulgaria told reporters: 'It's a bad do and no mistake. New bosses are obsessed with cost-cutting measures. They will only let us do a bare minimum that allows them to keep their licence but pay out huge dividends to shareholders.


'Now we just sit around the burrow waiting for the phone to ring, say maybe if cowboy builders fly-tip a load of rubble, old kitchen units or a knackered fridge-freezer on the common.


One high profile Womble who wished not to be identified commented: 'It's typical of these Tories. Flog everything off to their spiv pals in The City to make a killing. It's the workers and public left to pick up the pieces.


'The new pay scale they've switched us to isn't enough to make ends meet. Although, luckily with our set of skills we just about mange by scavenging in the bins out the back of Sainsbury's and Tesco.'





News has leaked of a new Andrew Lloyd Webber musical, said to be already in production, which promises to expose the insecurities and precariousness of 21st century work in the theatre industry.


Whilst details are sketchy at this stage, the new musical is thought to focus on the story of a group of lead and ensemble actors, and hundreds of back stage and support workers, who find out that a hit musical they were involved in is set to end very unexpectedly, and that they have lost their jobs.


'The first half of the musical opens against the backdrop of a global pandemic, with our hero, a theatre magnate thundering out a showstopping tune about how the show must go on, and how he will risk arrest to open his theatres during a lockdown', said a source close to Lloyd Webber.


'The show opens to great acclaim but then there's this crisis point just before the end of the first half where the same billionaire theatre magnate pulls the plug on the show, and because it's a bank holiday weekend, a lot of the cast find out the news on social media', continued the source. 'I know, the plot's a bit unbelievable, but its no worse than Love Never Dies.'


'It's got everything, zero hours contracts, rampant job insecurity, a rags to riches story (well rags for most, riches for a few) and an owner who once flew across the Atlantic to vote in the house of Lords for cuts to working tax credits', said the source. 'The punters will love it'.


Like Cinderella, it's thought there'll also be some surprises hidden within scenery - this time, a revolving stage door so that cast and crew can be dismissed even more easily when the time comes.


photo: https://pixabay.com/users/12019-12019/

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