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Zero hours contracts slammed by The Wombles

It's understood The Wombles have been placed on zero hours contracts and are no longer free to womble underground or overground. The news comes following Wimbledon's recent move to outsource its recycling and refuse collection arrangements.

Great Uncle Bulgaria told reporters: 'It's a bad do and no mistake. New bosses are obsessed with cost-cutting measures. They will only let us do a bare minimum that allows them to keep their licence but pay out huge dividends to shareholders.

'Now we just sit around the burrow waiting for the phone to ring, say maybe if cowboy builders fly-tip a load of rubble, old kitchen units or a knackered fridge-freezer on the common.

One high profile Womble who wished not to be identified commented: 'It's typical of these Tories. Flog everything off to their spiv pals in The City to make a killing. It's the workers and public left to pick up the pieces.

'The new pay scale they've switched us to isn't enough to make ends meet. Although, luckily with our set of skills we just about mange by scavenging in the bins out the back of Sainsbury's and Tesco.'

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