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News has leaked of a new Andrew Lloyd Webber musical, said to be already in production, which promises to expose the insecurities and precariousness of 21st century work in the theatre industry.


Whilst details are sketchy at this stage, the new musical is thought to focus on the story of a group of lead and ensemble actors, and hundreds of back stage and support workers, who find out that a hit musical they were involved in is set to end very unexpectedly, and that they have lost their jobs.


'The first half of the musical opens against the backdrop of a global pandemic, with our hero, a theatre magnate thundering out a showstopping tune about how the show must go on, and how he will risk arrest to open his theatres during a lockdown', said a source close to Lloyd Webber.


'The show opens to great acclaim but then there's this crisis point just before the end of the first half where the same billionaire theatre magnate pulls the plug on the show, and because it's a bank holiday weekend, a lot of the cast find out the news on social media', continued the source. 'I know, the plot's a bit unbelievable, but its no worse than Love Never Dies.'


'It's got everything, zero hours contracts, rampant job insecurity, a rags to riches story (well rags for most, riches for a few) and an owner who once flew across the Atlantic to vote in the house of Lords for cuts to working tax credits', said the source. 'The punters will love it'.


Like Cinderella, it's thought there'll also be some surprises hidden within scenery - this time, a revolving stage door so that cast and crew can be dismissed even more easily when the time comes.




First published 6 May 2022


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The Easter Bunny will be on strike this year in a dispute over pay, pensions and working conditions.


'I'm on a zero hours contract,' said the Easter Bunny. I don't get much work during the year, until Easter, where it all goes a bit mad.  I do help the elves a bit at Christmas, as I'm allowed to handle chocolate gifts and baubles.  So, I'm on the bread line, and hopping mad.


'Because I'm on a zero hours contract, I can't use the company gym or the staff discount scheme.   And I don't get to go on team awaydays.   Which isn't a problem, actually.


'I get docked money if any of the eggs are damaged, but I'm so busy over the Easter weekend that it's impossible to deliver everything safely.   Some years I run a deficit - I pay more for damaged eggs that I get paid.  I think the company is institutionally rabbitist, but HR say that I'm not covered by the Egg Qualities Act.  My lawyer has suggested telling the company that I'm trans - that should put the wind up then.


The company says that children should not worry about getting their Easter eggs, as they have recruited hundreds of non-union Easter Bunny Community Support Officers and agency staff to do the work instead.



Picture credit: stable diffusion

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