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8 billionth child is born to the same couple in Gateshead

Sandra and Terry said they were happy with the new arrival, but somewhat hard pressed for space. ‘We initially turned the garage into a spare room, but that soon got filled up with the first three billion kids,’ explained the exhausted mother. ‘Technically there is room in the shed, but only if the shed is the size of Wales.’

Terry explained: ‘It’s my fault, I don’t believe in contraception or the abstract concept of self-restraint. And keeping track of their names is tricky; there are 28,000 Johns, 300,000 Baos and one angry kid called Adolf. Our schools catchment area is looking a little packed these days .’and the local playground resembles a refugee camp.’

Christmas will be busy with 8 billion stockings to fill and another 8 billion crackers circulating the same six jokes. Asked if they planned to have more, Sandra replied: ‘The trouble is, the pitter patter of 16 billion feet, sounds awfully like an earthquake approaching.’

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