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99% of UK covered in nail bars

This comes off the back of the announcement that Wilkos will be replaced by a nail bar/vape shop conglomerate. Signalling the end of the High Street as we know it, we are entering a phase where we will all obsess over hard gel and smell like candy floss.

The Bank of England has long warned of high interest rates and a pathogical desire for fibreglass nail extensions. Said one CEO: 'In late stage capitalism, everyone will have twelve inch nails and a complete inability to touch type.

'Our economy may be in the sh$t but we can all peel a grapefruit in under five seconds.'

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