UK plans to clone WWII veterans

A leaked memo has revealed that the Government has no intention of letting a generation of photo ops die off. Instead, aging Spitfire pilots will be spliced with immortal jellyfish, to create a neverending supply of plucky Brits, that can annually endorse our grifting politicians.

No.10 had been concerned about the dwindling supply of confused nonagenarias. Without being able to force a dementia sufferer into wearing a beret, how else would Prime Ministers be able to demonstrate they are tough on defense? Without mawkish VE Day celebrations how else could the PM cosplay Winston Churchill?

Now all we need to do is thaw out their wheelchair once a year. Journalists can recycle their headlines about sacrifice, the BBC can rehash footage of street parties and those brave vets can relive their PTSD so Keir Starmer can pretend he cares.

Photo by marc belver colomer on Unsplash