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Abacus finally spells '80085'

Updated: Dec 19, 2021

Its the mathematical riddle that has confounded scientists for four thousand years, how to spell dirty words with an abacus. In the end, it was one particularly horny boy, Keiran Spatz (12), who made the discovery, during a particularly boring Maths lesson, last period on a Friday.

Keiran said: 'Suddenly the beads were transformed into a swirling pattern of colour - like a montage in a movie about a mathematical genius. Then the numbers morphed into an enormous pair of jugs - sorry, boobs - didn't mean to swear'.

In the 70s, smutty minded physicists were forced to invent the pocket calculator, but they welcomed the change: 'It's a breakthrough of epic proportions, like E=MCWillies. Today 'Boobs', tomorrow '55378008'!'

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