Abattoir workers asked to remove 'blindfolds'
The Food Standards Agency is concerned about the level of contaminated meat and the suspicious number of missing homeless people. There are fears that abattoir staff are not checking what they are putting into the sausage maker; simply shutting their eyes and sticking their fingers in their ears while saying 'la la la la la I can't hear you'.
Warning labels will be used, although 'tainted meat' just sounds like the title of Robin Thicke's next album. The preferred sticker will read - 'may contain traces of Zoo'.