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Afghans can stay says Home Office. Check the small print say Windrush generation

Afghans who worked for the British military will be able to move to the UK permanently, claimed a spokeswoman – while crossing her fingers. One PPI lawyer said the promise was not worth the paper it was written on, while another, who we spoke to, never got over his giggling fit.

Said one refugee: ‘I'm not saying I don't trust Priti Patel but she did seem to be smirking when she said it. By the way, how legally binding is a contract written on the back of a beer coaster, in lipstick?’

The spokeswoman clarified: ‘The UK is known the world over for keeping its promises, you only have to look at how we've brought peace to the Middle East. We always honour our agreements, right up until there is no longer a profit in it’.

One Windrush deportee commented: ‘Don't bother unpacking’.

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