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All rich to become tax exempt

The Chancellor was proud to announce that after three years of careful fiscal mismanagement, corruption and cronyism the number of UK citizens paying the top rate of income tax has fallen to zero. A HMRC spokesman said: ‘By removing the rich from the tax system we can return to a simpler, fairer system – where all millionaires will be hermetically sealed in Knightsbridge, in castles made of candy floss and fed peeled grapes by gossamer-winged fairies.’

Ironically 38% of the nation’s tax burden now falls on Miss. J Arkwright, a single mother of two, from Sheffield. Miss Arkwright works two minimum-wage full-time jobs to pay her exorbitant rent, ensure Gary Barlow stays fed and to keep Bob Geldof in hair conditioner. She spoke proudly of her contribution: ‘I’m just happy that I can do my bit to keep the impoverished landed gentry off the streets. Obviously now that I know I’m contributing so much to the British economy I’ll probably need to take on a third job and sell one of my kids to medical research – but that’s the least I can do.’

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