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Boatload of creepy PE teachers bound for Asia

As part of an elaborate exchange program to raise international teaching standards, Shanghai has agreed to import sixty of the UK’s finest educational perverts in exchange for sending us their Maths specialists. For the Department for Education (DofE) the hope is to improve numeracy; for the Chinese city the desire is to make more girls play beach volleyball in the winter.

A spokeswoman explained: ‘While UK schools have been consistently outperformed at maths in Pisa tests, we have long been world leaders in forcing teenagers to shower while we watch, getting amorously drunk on a Ski Trip and casually caressing stopwatches. Should this scheme prove successful we hope to also export a glut of smelly Geography teachers, a whimpering pile of lonely English specialists and at least one hundred stammering French Instructors’.

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