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Boko Haram claim female abduction is technically speed dating

A spokesman for the notorious singletons said: ‘In many respects its ideal for us. It’s time-efficient, there’s no need for introductions and we can get right down to the business of a fundamentalist revolution against western civilization’.

However, many women have been left unimpressed by their cheeky antics. One woman spoke of her frustration: ‘What’s with sticking me in a sack? Don’t get me wrong, I like a man to be decisive, but eye contact is so hard when your head is in a bag. I didn’t even get to ask him about his hobbies – although I suspect its mainly this’.

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