In a somewhat dishevelled and confused state, the London Mayor announced today that he was prepared to tender his ‘seed’ to the Duke & Duchess of Cambridge. Spokesmen for the Mayor’s office: ‘The Mayor has long been a proponent of polygamous and experimental sexual unions. His free love credentials are unimpeachable.
‘His Bullingdon love juice will guarantee a yellow-tufted heir to the throne. Just don’t expect him to hang around afterwards’.