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Boris pledges Syrians an extra £350m a week

Addressing a doubtful House of Commons, the Foreign Secretary was heard to yell: ‘You get £350m! You get £350m! Everyone gets £350m!’. He promised to prosecute Russia for its bombing campaign, although one lawyer commented: ‘I’m not sure Boris understands what the International Criminal Court actually does. He may be confused with ‘Thunderbirds’.’

A spokeswoman for Mr. Johnson said: ‘Bombing hospitals is reprehensible – except when we get our Saudi friends to do it Yeman – then it’s called profiteering’.

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