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Business celebrates best ever year for corporate bullshit

Business leaders across the country should be proud of their prodigious output of meaningless twaddle last year, according to experts.

‘The last year has seen a huge increase in the productivity of techniques such as alliteration, with several slogans synergising the strategic sustainability of stakeholders,’ said aleading employers association spokesman, Piers Collingwood-Hancock, today.

From snappy soundbites like ‘integrated governance’ and ‘value creation’, to long ‘mission statements’, with lots of awkward nested sub-clauses which make them difficult to read and include words such as ‘leveraging’ and ‘internationalization’ - the latter spelled with a ‘z’, as if making it look American somehow gives it more credibility - while saying absolutely nothing at all, it has been a bumper year for many of Britain’s top bullshitters', said Collingwood-Hancock.

Companies will need to continue to work hard going forward, according to Collingwood-Hancock. ‘They must enhance their output while embracing the unique ethos of their employer and the esteemed heritage of the company,’ he said.

‘Otherwise they could face the possibility of widespread examination and re-evaluation of core competencies, followed by supply chain management optimisation and product portfolio rationalisation. Or getting laid off, as it used to be known.’

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