In a triumph of capitalism, the Government has come up with a novel solution to the over-stretching of the UK’s armed forces. Having put the entire North Africa campaign ‘out to tender’, Prime Minister Cameron was pleasantly surprised that the cheapest quote came from a group of ‘free market’, militant Islamists – who list the CIA as a previous employer.
Al-Qaeda offers an affordable, psychotic and deregulated alternative – a ‘pay per bullet’ scheme with various levels of subscription – from Basic (Beheading), Standard (Shoe Bomb) to Platinum (Syrian Passenger Jet).
One Tory confessed: ‘Quite frankly we’ve been ill served by those public sector layabouts stationed in Afghanistan. They’re always bleating on about lack of equipment, ethical boundaries or ‘putting lives before oil’. These al-Qaeda chappies have no such qualms’.