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Cat's anus accidentally writes number one best-seller

A Cat from Basingstoke has inadvertently written a number one best-selling thriller just by sitting on an open laptop keyboard.

Janice Wallbury, a budding writer and totally owned by the cat explained, "I was stuck trying to work out where to take the plot of my book, when Catt LeBlanc jumped up on to my desk. He skulked onto my keyboard and plonked his posterior down right in the middle of it, facing slightly away.

"I gave him a few tickles and fussed about with him for a while, and when he finally got up and moved on, there on the screen in front of me was a complete 400 page novel. I couldn't believe it. What a clever kitty.

"It was nothing like what I was trying to write myself, but I passed it off as my own. Since it was published, sales have gone through the roof. Readers who would normally go for writers like Dan Brown can't get enough of it. Obviously, I've tried to get Catt Le Blanc to sit on my keyboard again at every opportunity since. But he'll only do it if I've got something really important to be getting on with."

A few weeks ago, Catt LeBlanc sat on the keyboard again and, presumably by accident, typed out the entire content of the following Tuesday's Daily Telegraph. A Spokesdroner for the news group said, "Cat LeBlanc's anus has a disturbing right wing bent and it keeps turning out pretty much the same narrow-minded drivel day after day. But our readers haven't noticed any difference and, if anything, online clicks are slightly up. To that end, we have fired our entire writing staff and slashed the journalism and opinion budget down to 20 cans of Whiskas and a bag of kibble.

"We are now on the lookout for a baboon which can accidentally take photos of the royal family in a positive light."

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