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Child finds Jesus in her Kinder Surprise™


After a culmination of generations of messianic prophecies and the consumption of millions of Easter eggs, the Second Coming has at last been triggered by toddler from Fleet, Hampshire. Vatican officials are reluctant at this stage to categorise this event as a miracle but admit it is certainly a 'surprise'.'


Madeleine, 4, was fairly nonplussed by having found the Son of God in her egg and seemed more concerned by the lack of sweet-based centre to her treat. Her mother said: 'A new dawn of universal peace and love is all very well, but Mady would prefer some jelly beans'.


When quizzed Madeleine admitted to having hastily eaten the Jesus' 'chocolaty cave', which many theologians fear may have had new gospels scrawled onto its white chocolate interior. One priest admitted: 'The fused halves represent the relationship between Christ's corporeal and ethereal form. Remember he died, so we might have chocolate guilt free'.


Unfortunately Jesus 2.0 still comes in the form of several fragile pieces of plastic which will need to be assembled by bishop or someone with a degree in engineering. Cryptically the only scripture that come with Jesus 2.0, warns (in multiple languages) that organised religion may be a 'choking hazard'.

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