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CIA promise to look after Assange like they looked after JFK

As it looks increasingly likely that the Wikileaks journalist will be extradited, the bookies have ceased to take bets on whether he will live to see that last book of Game of Thrones.

Asked to comment on their previous plans to assassinate Mr. Assange, a CIA sourced admitted: 'We don't need to kill him directly, we can just let him drink the water in Flint.

'We'll be giving Mr. Assange the red carpet treatment - so called, because of all the blood on it. He'll have an open top ride around Dealey Plaza, then take in a play at Ford's Theatre and finally spend the night in Jeffery Epstein's cell.

'And if we can't kill him, there's always suicide - we've arranged for him to watch James Corden in Cats'.

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