• Dan.F

Confused Biden repeatedly refers to Queen as ‘Mom’

By Our Senility Correspondent, Mad King George


CORNWALL, ENGLAND – A clearly discombobulated President Biden addressed the Queen as ‘Mom’ throughout their hour-long luncheon on Saturday, Palace sources have confirmed.


Meeting as part of the G7 summit in Cornwall, Biden reportedly told the Queen, “It’s nice to see you, Mom. I’ve missed you these past few years.” The monarch was reportedly at a loss for a response.


Biden then took a seat on the throne and put his feet up on a corgi saying: “It makes me feel like a kid again. Do we have ESPN yet?” He then rummaged under the ermine and velvet-lined royal seat, seemingly in search of a remote control, and requested Her Royal Highness bring him a ‘sodie’.


“How’s pop?” asked the President awkwardly, before adding in a moment of clarity, “I mean Prince Albert. You can’t still be in mourning after 150 years, Vicky! Woah, we are not amused, eh?” At this point POTUS nudged Queen Elizabeth II in the ribs, winking outrageously.


“It was great to meet with my mom again, and so sweet of y’all to be here in my old backyard of Wilmington, Delaware,” Biden told reporters afterwards, gesturing grandly at the Boeings dotted about the tarmac of the Heathrow runway.


“In a lot of ways, she reminds me of the Queen of England – her faithfulness, her generosity, being Head of the Commonwealth. Plus, that apple pie she served was just like Her Majesty used to make.”

Remarked Queen Elizabeth, “At least Trump only walked in front of me.”

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