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Queen asks Paddington to form new government



During a break in filming their Platinum Jubilee sketch, the Queen was overheard asking Paddington Bear to form a new government of national unity or ‘marmalade coalition’.


A spokesbear roared ‘We’re getting Brexit pursued by a bear done. In terms of candidates for the top jobs, we’ve got Winnie the Pooh and Bungle from Rainbow coming in. Paddington was considering Rupert the Bear too, but in common with many Ruperts, he’s a right little Tory. Our policies will include hourly flights to Lima and a rapid increase in the UK’s duffel coat production.’


Once captured, Boris Johnson will be moved to London Zoo, but if he is unable to stop flinging excrement and masturbating then he will be humanely destroyed.


image form pixabay



First published 7 Jun 2022


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Government department urges more Royal deaths



The Department for Culture, Media & Sport has pointed out that as the Queen's funeral went on for the best part of a fortnight and only cost £162m, it was far better value for money than any other entertainment provided by the nation's broadcasters.

It has urged other members of the Royal Family to consider how their deaths are part of their duty to the nation and when appropriately timed, help assuage the misery of modern life.


image from pixabay



First published 21 May 2023


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