The Premiership confirmed: ‘Applying our fit and proper test, we will be transferring the ownership of Stanford Bridge to a group of Sith Lords and the cast of the Godfather. We’ve turned down a bid from Thanos as too similar to the Glazer’s takeover of Man Utd. And we dismissed a tentative offer from Xenomorph, called Frank.
‘As Roman Abramovich knows we’ve taken a strong line on banning anyone connected with war crimes and human rights’ abuse – unless, of course, they come from Saudi Arabia. That’s different. Now please, give it up, for the new chairman of Chelsea FC - Keyser Söze’