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MPS reject offer of time and a half wages for working last Saturday



MPs are insisting that the time and a half payment for Saturday work, they found written on this week’s pay packet is derisory; and unless it’s made up to double time, they won’t turn up on Saturdays again for the foreseeable future, even if Russia invades.


A now, non-existent, transgender spokesbeing for the MPs' union told Newsbiscuit “This is a complete mockery of what our members expected from the Labour Party; and the Tory faction of our membership in particular, feel completely betrayed in allowing them to take over government,”


image from pixabay

Cosmonauts become nightmare flatmates on the International Space Station



Russia has decided to stop all cooperation with western countries on the International Space Station but stopped short of admitting it has instructed its cosmonauts to start behaving like the flatmates from hell.

 

The Americans disagree.

 

It started yesterday morning when Vladimir and Oleg finished the milk in the fridge, which was clearly labelled USA and put the empty carton back.

 

 "I couldn't believe it," said Colonel Gary Sheppard. "They know that I like to have fresh, cold milk on my Frosties every morning, but they are so selfish. They even have loads of their own sterilised milk, like your gran used to get, on their shelf, although it tastes awful on cereal."

 

 "Then they had ASDA's Smartprice fish pie for lunch, and the kitchen smells like the devil's own arse. They didn't open a window, turn on the extractor fan, or even wipe around the microwave with Flash. They're like animals. That Putin has a lot to answer for."

 

 The Cosmonauts deny that they are doing anything on purpose. They claim not flushing the toilet after their traditional Russian asparagus soup party was purely an accident, as was leaving the heating on before going out last Friday night and putting out the wrong bins last Thursday.



First published 4 April 2022



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