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Crazy discounts blamed for shortage of ‘mental beds’

With up to 60% off and 4 years interest free credit, the ‘insanity’ that is home furnishing flash-sales has led to a lack adult psychiatric health provision. One excitable marketing executive claimed: ‘Our prices are mental. These divan discounts are mental. It’s all mental. Although closing 2,000 beds across England is f@$king retarded.’

A spokesman for the NHS said: ‘Everything must go! Depression, anxiety disorders and this lovely corner suite with matching footstool. All of it is cut price. Buy one, get one free on phobias. But hurry, these offers end on Sunday, or until we run out of nurses, whichever comes first.’

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