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'Desperate' World Health Boffins Seek Guidance From Facebook Headbanger

The beleaguered World Health Organisation have sought advice on battling the covid-19 health emergency from an opinionated, know-nothing ponce with a Facebook page who regularly regales his meagre readership with unsubstantiated tripe about vaccine efficacy, anti-lockdown initiatives and the role of Bill Gates in turning vaccinated people into magnetised automatons with the ability to send and receive Bluetooth.

A WHO spokesman told newsmen last night: "We are extremely concerned by the various strains of coronavirus that seem to be mutating into ever-more virulent manifestations.

"With our scientists at a loss and our medical experts at their lowest ebb, we have decided to ask for help from a feeble-minded, conspiracy fucknut from Facebook.

"Hopefully, he'll be able to put us straight on the futility of deploying a vaccine programme worldwide and steer us onto a more clear-headed path that involves Tom Hanks, Covid-19 5G lamppost-based transmitters, and urging people to attend mass bleach-drinking rallies across the globe."

This latest volte-face comes just a week after Health Secretary, Sajid Javid, issued a directive, urging Brits to push homoeopathic capsules containing grass cuttings up each other's bottoms if they start losing their sense of taste and smell as previously suggested by somebody's Aunty Beryl on Twitter.

Danny Soz

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