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Elderly Scot released from captivity – as Ferguson retires

Greater Manchester Police confirmed that a seventy one year old man was held for decades: 'There had been previous sightings of a naked, red-nosed individual wearing nothing but a red and white scarf….but that’s fairly standard in Moss Side.'

Photographs of the missing Alex Ferguson show an innocent, young, smiling face; a startling contrast to the snarling curmudgeon policed found. In a grisly 'trophy' room, Mr Ferguson was discovered, suckling a hairy wolf-child called 'Ryan'. Worryingly reports of a missing Portuguese man in the Chelsea area are already starting to surface.

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