Candidates are expected to indulge in levels of non-stop shiftiness, which would normally send Pinocchio looking for emergency rhinoplasty. One animal behaviourist explained: ‘There are subtle tell-tale signs when a politician is lying. Their lips move’.
Their perfidious election promises are less like a Trojan Horse filled with sneaky Greeks and more like a dyspeptic donkey about to unleash a fountain of diarrhoea on your best rug. Then they will rub salt in into the wound, or faeces into the shag pile, by spending the next five years telling you how it is your fault and that you have to pay for the clean-up.