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England’s Primary Pupils to be ritually stoned.

The Education Minister has confirmed a tightening of school discipline and a return to the core values of fundamentalism, caning and algebra. He said that computers were the work of the Devil and all school uniform should have spats. He has also ordered a dozen academy school children to be ritually sacrificed daily to appease Celtic fertility gods.

A Taliban spokesman remarked: ‘Sounds a bit harsh’.


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